Reflections On Counseling

 In a recent REBT demonstration by Dr. Walter Matweychuk, a volunteer described the following pattern: She had committed to a four-year volunteer training program to become a facilitator. The work was meaningful and the commitment was serious but near the end of the program, she decided to quit. She reported that when she quits something important, she does not simply move on. Instead, she withdraws from other areas of life. Her daily functioning drops — in her estimate — to about 40% of its usual level. She pulls back from responsibilities, becomes less engaged, and experiences a general sense of falling short. When Quitting Becomes a Moral Issue In REBT terms, guilt is often a moral emotion. It implies that a rule has been violated — that a "sin" has been committed. The implicit beliefs operating in this case seemed to be: "I shouldn't quit." "If I quit, that means something is wrong with me." "Quitting makes me a quitter." ...

 Many people begin their work or creative pursuits with genuine enthusiasm. Over time, however, something shifts. Skills improve, experience grows, and accomplishments accumulate — yet the joy that once fueled the effort begins to fade. Why does this happen? A recent Saturday REBT demonstration led by Dr. Walter Matweychuk offered a vivid illustration of this question. The volunteer described a loss of joy in playing his musical instrument. For many years he had loved playing and steadily developed his skills. He eventually reached a high level of competence, performed with strong bands, and made recordings. Yet despite these accomplishments, the enjoyment he once felt had diminished considerably. Several important therapeutic themes emerged. 1. “This Song Is Bringing Me Down” One of the first themes was the volunteer’s tendency to say something like, “Writing this song brought me down.” In other words, he viewed the activity itself as the cause of his sadness. As Dr. Matweychuk...

 I regularly attend the Saturday presentations conducted by Dr. Walter Matweychuk through www.rebtdoctor.com . Open to the public, these sessions are extremely helpful in deepening my understanding of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy. The content of this past Saturday’s demonstration illustrates several core REBT principles worth sharing. In this session, a volunteer discussed feeling guilty after realizing she would not be able to meet a commitment she had made to a friend. From this situation, a number of important therapeutic themes emerged. 1. Human Fallibility and Self-Evaluation Human beings are evolving, complex, and prone to error. We set goals, but we do not always meet them. REBT reminds us that while we can evaluate our actions, we cannot accurately rate our entire worth based on performance. Healthy self-evaluation focuses on behavior, not global self-judgment. 2. Preferences, Demands, and Emotional Disturbance We approach adverse events with preferences and expectatio...

  A common misconception about therapy is that its goal is to eliminate negative, uncomfortable emotions. However, one of the key insights from cognitive psychology is this: negative emotions can be healthy—and even beneficial. They are part of our biological makeup and serve important, adaptive functions. The goal isn’t to get rid of these emotions but to understand them better so we can use them to our advantage. Unhealthy vs. Healthy Negative Emotions Cognitive psychology shows that unhealthy emotions—such as anxiety, depression, guilt, and rage—usually arise from dysfunctional beliefs. These beliefs tend to be rigid, extreme, or unrealistic. As a result, the emotions they trigger are intense, overwhelming, and unproductive, often leading to avoidance, paralysis, or self-defeating behaviors. In contrast, healthy negative emotions—like concern, sadness, remorse, and frustration—stem from realistic and flexible beliefs. These emotions are still painful and uncomfortable but remain...

Emotional responsibility is the idea that, to a large extent, our emotions are shaped by how we interpret what happens. Most of us assume emotions are caused directly by events—“I got angry because I was passed over for a promotion,” or “I’m anxious because I have to meet with my boss today.” This kind of cause-and-effect explanation is common, but cognitive psychology offers a different, well researched, perspective. It suggests there’s a brief mental space between the moment we perceive an event and the moment we feel an emotion. In that space, we interpret what is happening and form an opinion about it—labeling it as good, bad, annoying, horrible, and so on. Our emotional response depends on that evaluation. An event judged as a minor inconvenience will trigger a very different reaction than one seen as a major threat. Importantly, a complete or accurate understanding of the event isn’t necessary—our emotions respond to the meaning and opinion we attach to the event, which can somet...

Understanding Fear: From Concern to Anxiety to Panic Fear is a natural and essential part of being human. It arises when we believe that something bad might happen—usually in the near future. The threat may involve physical harm to ourselves or loved ones, but it can also target our ego, identity, or sense of worth. While fear is uncomfortable, it's not something to eliminate. In therapy, the goal is not to suppress fear, but to guide its appropriate and helpful expression. To respond to fear in a healthy, functional way, we need to understand the role of evaluation in our cognitive processes. Varieties of Fear and Their Purpose Fear varies in intensity, duration, and frequency. Here are some commonly experienced types: Concern – A mild, rational awareness of potential problems that helps us plan and take precautions. Alertness – Heightened focus and readiness to respond. Worry – Persistent thoughts about uncertain outcomes. Apprehension – Uneasy anticipation prompting caution....

In our previous article, we explored the ABCDE Model, a powerful tool from Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) that helps us understand the connection between our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. Now, let's see how this model could be used in a fictional, but fairly common real life scenario. The characters and scenario are entirely fictional. The ABCDE Model in Action A: Adverse Event Sarah, a marketing professional, reported that she had been working for months on a major project, hoping it would lead to a long-awaited promotion. When the announcement came, her colleague, Mark, received the promotion instead. B: Beliefs Sarah’s initial thoughts were: “I’m shocked. This is completely unfair!” “I should have been promoted—I’ve worked harder than anyone!” “I’m a complete failure.” When exploring core beliefs underlying these thoughts, Sarah identified: “I must always succeed and be recognized. If not, I’m a failure.” “Others should always respect me. If they don’t, they’re ab...